Wednesday, April 25, 2007 4/25/2007 09:07:00 PM /
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i'm so anxious to pour out everything but blogger seems to take forever to load.
i have got so much to say, so this is going to be a very long post.
unfortunately guzheng ensemble clinched a silver.
When the person announced the result, i feel a sudden sadness but still very calm.
Two years ago, when we knew we got silver, i started crying like a baby already
But yst, i was still thinking in my heart that why were everyone so calm.
Then the next second, i realised tt we have let the seniors down.
I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself, i started crying after asking my junior whether i can cry..
The emotional changes all happened in the two mins.
when we walked past the entrance of singapore conference hall, images of what happened two years ago just came rushing to my mind.
Almost the performers including our instructors were crying.
we felt so unjust, we didnt get the gold tt we deserve.
But this year its different.
I cried not because we ddint manage to achieve what we wanted but because we let our dearest seniors down.
i'm so sorry.
especially constance, cherylnn and vanessa
They came to us one year back, with tears welling in their eyes.
Telling us that we must get back the gold and
i promise them.
In the end, i still let them down.
Seniors, sorry.
Today, both xinyi and sophia never come.
I'm the only gz person left in class.
I was quite gloomy
my tears fall when we were singing national anthem
and somehow i found it so comical.
like i'm crying for the nation.
everytime because of some constraints, i have to force myself to stop crying or stop feeling sad.
Because i have to take attendance, i cannot cry anymore
Because my grp had to lead the class for PE, i cannot afford to feel emo.
Each time, after a few minutes, i will soon forget tt i'm sad.
Will it be evry weird if i change my tone to
YAY!!!!Its like finally the syf is over and i have more time to do the stuffs that i like!
seriously, i miss the mugging period with ger, kj,xy and more more more
lets mug tgt again okay?
[sudden lost for words]
erm...
then then,
i miss my friends that i know from expo.
I'm guilty conscious for not able to make it for the outings.
=(
i also miss my mos bgr friends.
Its a
must to go out and take photos with friends tt are going ns before they shave their heads!
I'm gonna spend more time with my bitchy partner too.
=) we have planned to study tgt twice a week.
today we went to the coffee bean near chomp chomp to study.
I have been hating coffee for 6years and today i tried the iceblend.
Its kind of nice just that its quite expensive.
if i go coffeebean or starbuck twice a week, i will need to spend $12 a week
which is $48 per month.
more expensive than my handphone bills.
Under the influence of my cousin I have become a little anti-social.
I know u guys will go
where got but at least i'm not interested to make new friends.
I have been spending quite a lot of time with my cousin this few months and i tell u, she
super anti-social.
i'm talking abt the cousin frm ex-zhss 5n1
She regards classmates as classmates and not friends.
haha.
To her, she only got three friends and she thinks that three gd buddies are enough.
At least she is sure tt she will keep contact with this three friends for all her life.
Somehow or other she manages to influence me a little indirectly.
but still i like my classmates a lot =D
alright, i'm contradicting myself.
maybe i shld say she manages to convince me that, having little friends is not a bad thing either.
[i have taken one hour to type this post but i'm not done yet!]
Next thing,
i feel very bad for being super mean to ppl that are really really very nice to me.
I tend to "mistreat" ppl that are concerned abt me.
The nicer they are, the more i cant help dao-ing them.
everytime after i dao them or said smth really sacarstic to my gdfriends
My heart will feel uneasy but i cant say sorry to them.
Now i'm trying really hard to be nicer to these ppl,
at least treat them like how i treat most of my friends.
actually the them only refers to two ppl
conclusion: pls dont be too too nice to me and nv "bootlick" me
shall cont typing another day.