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Friday, March 03, 2006 3/03/2006 06:38:00 PM / top

saw sherry and samantha personal nick "jsps forever"
because of this i decided to look back at all my posts.
the sad posts that i wrote few days after my birthday last year
the post when i commented on jsps.

i know i am very bad but i want to say this.
jsps forever? no such things
ever since i've decided to hang out with deanna, jsps no longer exist
maybe the three of u will say
"i'll nv let go jsps, even if u do"
BUT.
u all have actually let it go long ago.
YES, U DID.
maybe three of u dont realise it but u actually did.
i'm very sure.
and i've already listed out the evidence on that sad post.
ur actions, all have shown that jsps no longer exist.
although deep in ur heart, jsps was always there

it kind of hurt me when ppl mention about jsps.
yes, i dont want to talk about it, i dont want to be remind of it.
seriously and i dunno why, i only can rmb the bad memories.
let me tell u the reason that i can rmb so far of why i chose to leave jsps
since pm ask me weeks ago.
is because i've cried so much, over and over agained because of jsps
that i'm so sick, so depress of it that i thought the best solution is to leave them.
and thats why i chose to be with deanna.
nobody knew what i am going throught at then
yes, it was my personal problem.
u can say that i'm sensitive or whatever.
but i really had enough.
i even cut myself because i'm so stress over this.
i was so depress that i chose to hurt myself.
i cry EVERY night.
i even name my blog ilovethepain.
there is a reason to it.
and i will nv change it.
nv, at least not for now.

it really hurt me a lot even if anyone mention jsps to me now.
so pls, stop.
jsps no longer exist.
and i didn regret that i leave them.
i still love pm
i still love sherry
we are still gd friends.
is just that jsps no longer exist

and now i'm tough and strong
i won't cry.

is not because i'm positive
is because i'm numb to everything.

ps: if anyone feel offended sorry.

something is stuck inside my heart.
struggling to get out.
but no matter how hard it try.
its still inside.
and now its waiting to be forgotten...
chose to be forgotten.

i'm happy with my life now.
i'm proud to be lame
i'm proud to be noisy.

but i'm all numb inside.
i make sure that nothing can hurt me...
sacarstic comments.
dont work on me....