Sunday, October 30, 2005 10/30/2005 08:58:00 PM /
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this is my 100th post =)
and this gonna be a very very sad post.
i've finally decided to write down watever i'v kept in my heart for very long.
every year birthday have been memorable.
i have party at almost of my birthday
pri6, didn't have party but i was not sad.
cause my dad bought handphone for me on my birthday!
i was like so excited
de joy was undescribable.
and so sec1 i was expecting another memorable birthday.
and it was indeed memorable.
in a negative way.
last year 25 october2004.monday.
no school.
few days before my birthday
my bestfriend decided and wanted to celebrate it with me.
and so i didn call any other ppl.
its just me and my bestfriend.
not even my ex.
i thought he had forgotten bout my birthday
but few hours before its finally 25/10
my bestfriends call me and told me dat they can't make it for de celebration
i didn blame them.
i know it was not their fault.
but i was sad.
de celebration i was looking for were all....
GONE!
i cried.
yup i cried
de first and only birthday dat i ever look forward to
its destroy in just a few second before de actual day
i didn tell my bestfriends dat i was dissappointed or had cried.
i dun wann them to feel guilty.
but luckily my korkor shawn was there for me.
he console me and pei me till 12am.
and my ex sms me.
wish me HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i thought he had forgotten but he didn
and a lot a lot of peeps sms me.
i was touched.
this year birthday.
i dun wann to be happy for nothing again.
or to be dissapointed
i thought everything will be better.
and so i organized de steamboat thinky.
25/10.
another person waited till 12am and wished me happy birthday.
i barely know dat person =)
and so i came to sch.
feeling bright and happy.
went to canteen to get something from sombody and went back to class.
ask felicia to pei me go toilet.
and went back to class.
as usual de class was noisy. =)
valerie was de second person dat wished me happy birthday verberly.
went down for flag raising.
pm was behind me.
i dunno wad i did to her and i told her
something like forgive me today huh. it was my birthday u know.
she was like shocked.
cause she had forgotten dat today is my birthday.
her reaction was so big dat i am loss for words.
i didn expect her to forget.
cause de day before she was a cheerful little girl telling me dat tmr is my birthday.
and i told her nvm.
de worst worst came.
sherry and probably samantha have forgotten too.
and i realise dat nobody rmb.
all my best friends have forgotten.
i wanted to cry.
but i told myself not to.
its no big deal.
my birthday is not something big
its alright dat nobody rmb.
i am not celebrities or wad. its alright.
i went back to class.
sitting alone while others were playing.
i didn know wad to do or how shld react.
i feel kind of left out.
but i told myself again.
it dosen matter.
left out jiu left out
no big deal.
nobody rmb my birthday
no big deal
at least i still have dat present
chu jun came and she saw de things on my table which is my present
she ask me what izzit and i told her is my birthday present.
and i forget what had happend.
she started to throw my present on de floor.
THROW.
i was SHOCKED.
is like de only thing dat i use to console myself dat watever happening is alright.
at de very very least i still have this
was thrown to de floor.
i was holding back my tears.
i didn want to cry infront of my classmates.
but my heart break.
i scold chujun
yupp, i scolded her
thats de only way dat i can hide from everything
use anger to hide de tears
to hide de fact dat i'm sad because my bestfriend've forgotten my birthday
i use chujun as an excuse,
sorry chujun. i dun mean to.
but at dat time i really dun know wad to do.
i was behaving like a mad women.
and she walked away.
i sat dere alone.
trying to calm myself down.
chun yang came and wanted to beat me 14times since i'm finally 14.
trying to prove that i'm alright, i gave him my hand.
and he started to beat me.
its really painful.
my hand was completley numb at de 6beat
normally i will scream and tell him to stop.
but i didn do or say anything.
i just sat there. stare at him.
after sometimes...
it was lit.
mrs lum wanted to teach.
she distributed papers.
i dunno why
but i can't seems to stop my tears from flowing when she was teaching.
good thing is dat, nobody noticed dat i was crying.
=)
den it was IT.
2e3 waited outside de comp room
i stood there.
was abnormally quiet.
controlling my tears.
and when sherry and peeps notice dat my eyes were red.
i just told them dat i was tired, thats all..
time pass and pass.
i was forcing myself to be happie. =)
but one thing i didn lie to all of u is dat MOS WAS REALLY FUN.
and today de steamboat thinky.
my bestfriends called and say dat they have something on
they apologised.
and agained i didn blame them
i knew they wanted to come.
actually i have mental prepare dat dere will peeps dat will not turn up.
so it dosen really matter.
and anyway we have great great fun.
read kaijia blog.
it has been a long time since i enjoyed myself so much.
i told myself to be strong. today was fun.
and i'm really very happy.
but when i reached home
and when i was bathing.
i cried.
i was dissappointed.
i really wanted to celebrate my birthday with them.
i really wanted them to come
i really wanted
maybe its fated dat i dun have this chance.
two birthday...
peeps, i really didn blame u all dat u didn turn up.
its alright.
really.
sorry if my nick have offended anyone of u.
sorry.
i really dunno wad to do.
i just wanted to say it dosen matter.
pls dun get de wrong idea.
maybe all de while is my fault.....
sorry....
i just dun wanna get reminded of these sad birthday.
dat why i say dun remind me of de steamboat thinky
although i have great fun..
in my this whole sec1 and 2 life.
i have nv expected dat de ppl dat celebrated my birthday with me, will be this bunch of steamboat ppl.
thanx kaijia
thanx mong
thanx huiying
thanx qingting
thanx priscilla
thanx jianee
this post. its just meant for me to vent out my feelings..
if u are offended.
sorry.
i dun mean anything.
j.s.p.s
i knew all along dat once i let go of it. it will nv be de same again.
sorry.
but i chose to let go of it.
for some foolish reason.